I lost myself

I don't know where I lost myself, but I do feel the worst situation recently that I can not find my position now.
Maybe I lost when I cheat as a child that someone didn't grab my money but I lied to my parents that horrible fake thing.Then the quarrel began.It hurt everybody deeply,and left a scar deep in my heart.
Maybe the setback when I attended the exam to college.The first time I failed,and I tried again.Between the period to college,I didnot even felt any depressed.It's wired!Because it's such a sad thing to me,but I even couldnot understand it at that time,or I had got the meanings to me but I didnot express it to myself? So complicate!
Maybe the time I tried to seek myself when I did not think that the college I would go to was not the right one I want.But at last I accepted anything, it's my fate?
As Schopenhauer Arther said that there were some defined thing in one's journey to some place in your whole lifetime.But where is my place?Where am I now? I do not know!